Tag: grief

Life

What Doesn’t Kill You

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I had a conversation today that made me pause and really reflect. We were talking about life you know, the kind of talk that goes deeper than surface-level small talk. I found myself opening up about how my experiences have shaped me, especially in how I relate to others.

I’ve learned something important: even when I have a negative thought or judgment about someone or a situation, I almost always catch myself later wondering, What are they going through? Life has taught me that people act in ways that don’t always make sense on the surface, but there’s almost always something deeper behind it. I think that’s where empathy comes in when you’ve been through enough, you just start seeing people differently.

And I’ve been through… a lot.

Losing my mom was one of the hardest moments of my life. She wasn’t just my mom…she was my example, my comfort, my biggest cheerleader. Watching her battle cancer and then having to say goodbye is something I’ll carry forever. But somehow, that loss helped me understand others’ grief in a way I never could have before.

Then there’s the journey of being a mom. Raising a child with Asperger’s and with ADHD has given me a front-row seat to how hard the world can be for kids who don’t fit the mold and how hard it is for parents who are just trying to navigate it all. Add to that my child’s diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes, and you’ve got a crash course in how to live with constant awareness, vigilance, and worry. It’s a full-time job before the sun even rises.

At one point, I was also caring for my mother-in-law after her hip replacement. We later found out she had cancer too, and things spiraled quickly. Watching her struggle while trying to care for my own child’s newly diagnosed condition was a breaking point for me. I had to make the hard choice to step away from teaching, a job I loved, because something had to give.

My husband had a wonderful job… until he was fired just before Christmas for not wanting to follow COVID protocols. We had just been approved to buy a house. No insurance. No steady income. And a child needing expensive medication daily just to survive.

We were supposed to be building a life..putting down roots. Instead, we were watching everything unravel.

My husband had a wonderful job… until just before Christmas, when he was let go for not signing a form disclosing his COVID-19 vaccination status. It wasn’t that he caused a stir or refused to cooperate—he simply chose not to disclose that personal medical information. But in that moment, that choice cost him his job..

It all felt like a whirlwind..like I was watching someone else’s life happen in front of me. My mother-in-law’s health continued to decline. Eventually, they found a tumor near where her hip had been. She passed away in June 2021.

That year nearly broke me.

But you know that saying..what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? I believe it. Every loss, every diagnosis, every financial stressor, every tear and sleepless night..they’ve all changed me. And as painful as those experiences were, they’ve made me softer. Kinder. More aware. I find myself thinking of others in ways I never did before. I don’t brush off someone’s frustration or bad attitude. I wonder what’s behind it. Because I’ve been the person barely holding it together. I’ve been the one hoping someone would just understand.

So if you’re going through something hard right now, I see you. If life feels like it’s coming at you all at once, I’ve been there. And I just want to say this: You will get through it. Maybe not untouched, but definitely stronger. And maybe, just maybe, a little more empathetic too.

Life

Dealing with Grief

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Losing a mother is an incredibly difficult experience that can leave you feeling lost, overwhelmed, and alone. In 2018, I lost my mom to metastatic breast cancer and in 2022, I lost my mother in law to bone cancer.  Both have left a big hole in my heart.  

Losing a parent means you’ve  joined a club —one you never wanted to be in. No one ever wants to join the “I lost a parent” club. I wasn’t okay at the time, and I still don’t think I am. I probably never will be “okay” again, but that’s alright. It’s okay not to be okay. This is something I will never get over…losing a parent is something that changes you. Nobody will understand what you are going through unless they go through something similar. It’s okay to have angry days, sad days, and even days when you don’t want to see anyone.

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss, but it can feel overwhelming and difficult to manage. Whether you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, a job, or a relationship, it’s important to take care of yourself and seek support as you navigate the grieving process. In this blog post, we’ll explore some tips for dealing with grief.

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions

One of the most important things you can do when dealing with grief is to allow yourself to feel your emotions. This may include sadness, anger, guilt, or a range of other feelings. It’s okay to cry, to express your emotions, and to take the time you need to process your feelings.

2. Reach out for support

Dealing with grief can be a lonely experience, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support. Talking about your feelings and experiences can help you process your grief and feel less isolated.

3. Take care of yourself

Dealing with grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting, so it’s important to take care of yourself during this time. This may include getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and comfort.

4. Create a ritual or memorial

Creating a ritual or memorial can be a meaningful way to honor the person or thing you’ve lost. This may include lighting a candle, planting a tree, or creating a scrapbook or photo album. A ritual or memorial can help you feel a sense of closure and provide a way to remember and honor your loss.

5. Be patient with yourself

Dealing with grief is a process, and it’s important to be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone’s experience is unique.

Dealing with grief can be a difficult and challenging experience, but there are things you can do to take care of yourself and find healing. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, reaching out for support, taking care of yourself, creating a ritual or memorial, and being patient with yourself, you can navigate the grieving process and find a way to move forward. Remember that you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and recovery.